big hug..

sometimes, a hug is all what we need...

i just read that line from this FREE HUGS CAMPAIGN website. i couldn't agree more with it. sometimes, a hug is all we need... sometimes, a hug is all i need...
cause for me, a hug does not merely mean a romantic physical intimacy, it is more to a sign of support and comfort, and also a demonstration of affection and emotional warmth.
for me, a hug brings my heart closer to the person that i hug. one said, "a hug is two hearts wrapped in arms". one also said:

there's something in a simple hug

that always warms the heart

it welcomes us back home

and makes it easier to part

a hug's a way to share the joy

and sad times we go through

or just a way for friends to say

they like you 'cause you're you

hugs are meant for anyone

for whom we really care

from your grandma to your neighbour

or a cuddly teddy bear

a hug is an amazing thing

It's just the perfect way to show the love we're feeling

but can't find the words to say

it's funny how a little hug makes everyone feel good

in every place and language

it's always understood

and hugs don't need new equipment

special batteries or parts

just open up your arms

and open up your hearts

(Jill Wolf)

and tonight, i asked for one...

i had to ask someone to hug me tonight, as there's no one who was willingly, with his open arms, to hug me, especially when i felt most alone in the world...

nobody wants to be lonely...

Do you know, what it's like to be lonely,
being just one, being the only?
Do you really care,
that there's no one out there?
Do you really mind,
or are you just blind?
Am I all by myself
Left to rot on the shelf?
Who am I in here,
Left on my own, I fear?
Is there plenty of ways
to end these long lonely days?
Does it really matter
if my mind begins to shatter?
All of these questions, but why,
am I put in here, and left to die?

asli ga tau puisi di atas karangan siapa...
tapi somehow puisi di atas mnyuarakan apa yang lagi gw rasain saat ini: being lonely!
yes, i've been alone nowadays... even if being alone does not automatically make me feel lonely, i do feel very lonely lately.. actually, i've been lonely for quite sometime...
i know that i'm just like other people who feel lonely some of the time. i'm just afraid that i become trapped in my loneliness. i really want it to go away, because i don't want it to lead to a deeper sense of depression and helplessness..
and just like any other people, i have tried this and that to cope my loneliness...

i have spent my time working and working...
i have tried to contact my dear best friends back home town...
i have made new friends and tried to hang out with them all the times...
i have picked up new hobbies and activities...
i even have seeked for professional help.. but still, i'm lonely!

what should i do, then?

reading

recently, i spent my nights reading novels..
two nights in a row!
it's quite an amazement for me, who always say , 'i don't like reading!'
'gw asli ga doyan baca.''reading is not my cup of tea.''reading is working, and i do it only at work.''gw ga bisa disuruh ngayalin apa yang gw baca.'
'males baca ahh.. bikin sakit mata aja!'

sebetulnya, dulu gw suka baca. karangan enid blyton kayak lima sekawan, st clare's dan malory towers selalu menemani saat libur sekolah jaman gw sd dulu. beranjak dewasa, i enjoyed reading sidney sheldon, marga t, hilman hariwijaya , zara zettira zr, danielle steel, mira w, maria a. sardjono, etc. there were nothing fancy that i read, i just read something light. mostly novels.

i don't know why now, i don't read as i used to. i even proclaim myself a reading hater.
mungkin karena waktu kuliah, gw harus banyak baca?
mungkin karena saat ngajar dulu, gw juga harus banyak baca?
mungkin karena di kerjaan gw sekarang, lagi-lagi, gw harus banyak baca?

undeniable that i do read every day..
apapun bentuknya..
status facebook temen, tanggal kadaluarsa di kemasan makanan, sms, signing board, artikel & berita koran, promotional flyers, email, nomor di bel apartemen, nama jalan, price tag, subtitle, disposisi, kawat&brafaks, dll, dsb, dst.
tapi, menyempatkan diriku tuk membaca sebuah novel, hmmm.. tunggu dulu.
males ahhh...